GERMANS LIKE BEER AND SAUSAGES

Germany

To be honest, this comes as a total shock to me. I always thought that the those of German origin were all about tofu and alfalfa.

Thanks mum.

TOWELS GET DIRTY

Everywhere

You know why that is? Because I've been cleaning my ears with them!!

I am really surprised that using the towel after a shower doesn't make it clean.

I honestly don't know what I would do without you.

Thanks mum.

THAT GOOGLING GRANNY INVESTIGATES THOSE GOOGLING AUSTRIANS

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Austrian News

In this article we are given a rundown by state on what (one would assume) Austrians like to google. No real surprises there. Those from Tyrol are interested in little more than disparaging the Germans, drinking shnapps and Apres-ski, I would assume that often the three occur together.

Also respect to those form Vorarlberg (the province between Switzerland and Austria). None of this complex kinky porn. Just boobs. Keeping it simple.

And I now know to stay away from those Vienna men with their micro-penises.

Thanks Granny.

"SLANG FOR THE AGES" - NYTIMES

Language

It seems that we do not just pull these words out of thin air, and that the term "hipster" was around long before Williamsburg, Shoreditch or Bondi were popular.

However, it is not the first time I have been schooled in such linguistic matters. The first time I uttered the "C" word that shall not be spoken, I was informed by granny of its' very rich heritage.

So next time, before I wanna call some hipster a cunt for pushing in front of me in the line for vegan, gluten free, chai, pumpkin spice shit, I will think twice.

Thanks Granny.

IMPORTANT EAR WAX NEWS

Health

Apparently ear wax is awesome because it keeps the riff-raff out. Like those bogan crayons. Ear wax is literally a bouncer for your ears.

Which is why you shouldn't put those ear cleaners in your ear because it pushes it into the canal. You are supposed to cultivate it. 

This is a serious issue which keeps Grandmothers up at night, explaining why it was sent to me 0547.

Thanks Granny!

ARNIE GETS AUSTRIA AND AUSTRALIA CONFUSED!

I think  that is awesome. Not only that Arnie likes to poke his housekeeper but that the Austrian Icon can poke also poke fun at himself. And Australians. And Austrians. All at the same time.

That's great.

Thanks mum.